Dear Pa

It's nearly been 1 year.

1 whole year of you been up in Heaven.

It's been hard to get used to.

Not hearing "put it there if it weighs half a brick"

or

"how do you do"

Not saying "I'm going to see Nan & Pa"

instead, walking out the front door & 5 metres to Nan's unit attached to our house.

I thought I'd be better now.

But the past week has been hard.

I was so nervous for your memorial.

I didn't know what to expect, what to feel.

Getting through Christmas & Easter without you was hard.

But, I guess it will only get easier.

I'm nervous for Tuesday.

1 whole year.

Wednesday 25th April

ANZAC Day, you would of been 71.

I still can't believe you're gone.

I guess I thought if I didn't believe you were gone, that maybe one day you'd come back.

Dad misses you a lot.

I can see the sadness in his eyes.

It upsets me.

I don't cry in front of Dad.

I don't want to let him see that I am struggling.

I don't want Mum & Dad to worry.

Nan misses you too.

I try to catch up with her every time I come up.

On Tuesday Dad & I are taking her out for morning tea or something.

I am getting a bit teary writing this.

I need to though.

I feel like I can't speak to anyone about my feelings.

Chris fully understands what I am going through, but for some reason I don't wanna talk to him.

I guess I worry about bringing up the same feelings for him.

It's unfair.

Well, I guess I should try & get some sleep.

I love you Pa.

<3