Stressed

Sometimes I over think things.

Sometimes I need space.

Today I just need air & my camera.

I have so much shit going on right now that I don't want to think about it.

Everyone thinks I have a perfect life.

I'm always trying my best to be there for everyone else.

Sometimes I even shut my own issues out just to help my friends around me.

It's never enough.

It sucks.

Cause then I become the bad guy.

When all I've done is be there from the beginning.

I have issues too.

But I don't tell anyone because I never want to worry other people.

Only Chris kinda knows.

He is the ONLY person in this world (okay maybe Mum)

who knows me.

Not the pretend me who is always happy.

But the broken me.

He saved me.

No one understands that.

I am scared right now.

I am falling back into the slump I was in back in 2008.

I am scared to look in the mirror.

I hate myself.

But do I dare tell my friends?

No, because they have their own shit going on which I am trying to help with.

I can only do so much.

I'm not super woman.

It sucks.

I had to tell Chris.

He is going to help me.

I even was brave enough to ask for help from Sean.

He is coming over tomorrow to set me up on a fitness & eating plan.

This way I won't do what I did three years ago.

Many people think they know me.

When really some days I don't even know myself.

Know me before you judge me.

I'm not your average teenager.

Ashie.