I have nothing wrong with curvy girls, I have my mothers hips. I'm not skinny, I'm not overweight, I'm normal sized but I can't fit my clothes. Chris tells me I'm beautiful & he loves playing with my tummy but I feel unhappy. I want to start my Zumba but I can't bring myself to get outta bed in the morning & do it. I'm not eating right. I feel exactly how I did before I stopped eating back in 2008. I don't want to fall into that habit again but it seems like the easiest, quickest way to get back to how I was when I first met Chris.
I have my best friends 21st next weekend. I'm going as a Gymnast, a retired one though because I'm gonna look terrible in my outfit. I have lost all confidence in myself. I put on a brave face & smile but deep down if you look hard in my eyes you can see that I am unhappy with how I look.
I'm scared I'm about to go down a long sad road. I have no lunch here today. I probably won't have anything to eat at Person of the Month. I have a photoshoot tomorrow, what kind of model can I be if I'm not happy with how I look??
I am drinking lots of water, I am running up the stairs instead of walking. I wanna get off the pill because it makes me put on weight but it helps with my period. I've put on 10kg in a matter of 3-6 months!
I wanna be back to 50-55kg.
I know my blog is usually happy & stuff, but I needed to write this down. Chris doesn't understand. Everyone else just tells me I'm skinny. I'M NOT! Girls on Tumblr are skinny.
I wannna look like this again..
Is that too much to ask for?
<3
I think you're beautiful just the way you are.
ReplyDeleteI know what you mean though. I'm obviously a lot bigger than you but I still know what ya mean. I hate seeing girls everywhere skinny as fuck & I wish I was like them. Ben does the same as Chris, says Im beautiful & loves me how I am but I think he'd love me more and want to show me off more if I was skinny. Bens sister is like a size 6 and her mum and her were talking about how "fat" she is. I felt like shit right then.
Also, I think Im getting the same problem with the eating. I hardly eat these days. Usually just one meal a day & I snack on prunes. If I eat fatty foods I hate myself afterwards.
I love you, Ashleen. I think you're beautiful. Otherwise I wouldn't ask you to be my model :) xoxox
Ahh!
ReplyDeleteI Know how you feel Ash.. :(
I don't eat right, and ever since coming to the halls my weights gone crazy..agreed with the pill..i so didn't know it made you put on weight. So, annoying!
You are beautiful tho chick!
Keep smiling. :)xxx